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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in tommy the dirty little commie...'s LiveJournal:

Monday, November 9th, 2009
1:58 pm
i am he, as you are me and we are all together...
i hate reading back on these entries. or your entries and comments.

ok, maybe not hate. its bittersweet.

just gettin older, one day at a time.
Friday, September 26th, 2008
4:03 pm
tomorrow never comes until its too late...
i can just walk around my house with the music on full blast. peaceful strides. lest you expect the inevitable, we're none the wiser. dancing is just necessary sometimes.

i feel like vanity has swallowed something beautiful. i walk for you. move, dance, love, live, work, and every moment is more time to impress and play the show. addiction isnt the right word, but its the first one that comes to mind.

damage dealt, received, offered. gotta live with the baggage you decide to pick up. theres times when reason unfolds, and this kid starts missin you.

i need the apocalyptic peace. the eye in the storm. the ability to accept demise with contentment.

smile, youre alive!

Current Mood: hopeful
Thursday, December 1st, 2005
5:47 pm
ive never felt so empty and alone. its me losing the greatest friend ive had...
soooooo.... here goes nothing...

what is it now? four weeks of this horrendous figthing and misunderstandings? four weeks of this tip toeing and whispering as if not to offend the other? four gruesome weeks full of awkward talking and let down feelings? and finally, four fucking weeks of a gaping hole in my oh so loving heart.

could it be? third time shes broken it? nah, i wont give her that much credit...yet.

it sucks. ever since freshman year it was us. the greatest of friends and the kids who fed off each others happiness. the two children laughing at the downfalls of others and having the time of their lives. i taught her sarcasm and wit, she tought me how to be uncontrollably and uninteruptedly happy.

we were even in love at one time. we even had that time together. i always thought i knew what it was to fall in love till i got all tangled up in her. she changed me. she turned me into something that can actually love and feel it.

so many memories friend wise and together wise. as friends, i loved every second. never a dull moment. if you ever saw us, youd find us laughing and joking. poking fun and engaging in serious conversation. she helped me with life's dirty baggage, and i helped her. we were each others life counselers, and we were both so very good at it.

i dont think ive ever loved a girl more. i could safely call her my best friend. i could safely say i loved her.

staying up till the ungodly hours of the night, talking on the phone about random nothingness. discussing matters only we cared about. she knew each and every one of my secrets. she was the only one i kept nothing from. nothing at all. she new my mind, she knew my soul. we knew each other so well, that we became predictable. but, predictable in the good way. the funny way. she used to tell me how many layers of clothing she was wearing on a particular day, and shed make me guess where she got her clothes. and i loved her for this. i still owe her 7 bags of skittles because of bets i hoplessly lost.

i remember it was just me and her the whole junior year afterschool. well, lots of it, like 90 percent. us in the back of the school, in our spot. wed stay there for hours talking, laughing and just plain out enjoying ourselves. i got grounded i dont know how many times because of her. id have to be home at 5 and get home at 7. i remember that one time when her parents thought she died, and my parents did too. everyone was looking for us. we worried the world, but we were content and happy in our own little worlds. thinking nothing of anything.

i remember her favorite band being good charolette when i first met her, and me giving her hell about it. oh man, this one time i told her to download the happiness in slavery video from nine inch nails (its a horribly gory and disturbing video). she came to me the next day asking me what the fuck it was that i told her to download. "some weird german porn killing?" i was on the floor laughing. i remember the random useless presents wed give each other. just find a piece of trash and put to tommy from micky. oh man, i have a drawer full of that stuff. yea, i kept it. it was funny.

now...its no more. these four weeks tearing at us, ripping our great friendship apart. making us evenmore stubborn than we already are. these four motherfucking weeks i curse to hell. not talking, feelings of replacement, loss of words, awkward silences, giving up...

my redhead is gone. no more friendship. i dont know if its for sure. yes, im the one that came up with the idea. stupid you may say. yea, i agree. but the figthing had to stop for our sanity. i came home and wanted to die.

my heart feels lonely, and my soul is left broken. her and i, a team no one could beat. her and i, a duo that could rule the earth.

so many promises that may be left undone. and fuck, that makes me really sad. im at a loss for words.

im gonna say it. im gonna mean it. i miss her, and i regret what i said, but...maybe it was for the better? maybe everything will come back to how it was. ::sigh::

excuse me while i paint the walls with my brains.


Current Mood: numb
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
8:06 pm
seventeen almost.
three more days till im able to be tryed as an adult, lose curfew, but still one more year to buy cigarettes.

im finally gonna be seventeen. the sixteen year old senior no more. im excited.

i was gonna throw something for my birthday, but i dont know. should i? something pretty big, i dont know. im thinking about it.

i go back to shcool tomorrow. i dont want to. major work. like whoa.

im done. my love to all.

Current Mood: excited
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
11:05 pm
a girl in black.
its always been the cheerleaders, the preppy girls, the girls totally opposite of me. the ones i always fall for are always the ones i dont have much in common for. opposites attract i guess. abercrombie adn american eagle zombie girls walking around, making me fall in love with them. and the little industrial kid falling in love and breaking his heart. heh, hopless romantic? maybe.

i need a goth girl. a little rivethead girl. a little punk girl. i need to find one of these beautiful goddesses and fall head over heels for one. there was that one, the one i think ill always love. the gilr i never finished with. the girl who has always been on my mind. my first goth ive fallen for.

i just need someone to hang out with. in the car, sounds of mechanical sounds and futuristic noises mixed with heavy bass tones and the dirty ass guitar that is industrial coming from the speakers, sharing a cigarette and sipping a cup (yes a cup, not a shot) of vodka and discussing why and how this supposed "industrial revolution" passed us by. how bands like skinny puppy and ministry and KMFDM and frontline assembly never really were serious about this music becoming the thing. this music sprouting out and infecting the ears of every human being in this world.

my little rocker girl i can always turn to and say, which album of skinny puppy are you a fan of? what period of KMFDM were you awed with? you like new wave ministry or hardcore fuck-you-up industrial ministry? what the fuck was ogre and cevin thinking about during the greater wrong of the right? and then share a kiss and multiple bites. bruises and cuts created from love and sexual lust. my scars are healed and my bruises are gone from my last love. i need new ones.

im in need of a love. a girl i can turn to and just smile thinking, wow, this girl is my world. a girl i can by black roses for and be rewarded with a loving kiss. i need a pale, sickly girl with jet black hair and heavy black eyeliner that loves wearing corsets or old outdated christian death tour shirts.

and yea, im still waiting for that text to come. hoplessly wishing for the i think i still love you text. the unfinished love for my perfect prep. i need to get over her. i need my little rocker. either or, preferably my dark victorian goth.

ive been on this continuos search for a love. a new flame. or a rekindled old flame. i need a lover. i need a kiss.

my goth girl, come to me and lets discuss the musical world of industrial and goth. understand me, and love me. share a cigarette with me, and a bottle of vodka. someone...

-the hopeless romantic

Current Mood: contemplative
Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
12:48 pm
doomed to crumble...
friends only...

comment to be added...

Current Mood: hungry
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